Fake relationships are common in the society where we live. Oftentimes, we see the signs of a fake relationship, but we don’t know what they are. If you’re in relationship with a toxic person, it’s good to know when it may be time to move on or to change the situation. Keeping yourself in a toxic relationship can really hurt you. Hello everyone and welcome to thebestmind.net. In this article, we're going to learn about ten typical signs for a fake friendship.
Lying for sympathy
Toxic friends are desperate for sympathy, especially from you. They want you to feel sorry for them, to pay attention to them and to put them on a pedestal, even if that means lying to your face. Sympathy stories are a very typical sign of a toxic friendship. A sympathy story is a story that's exaggerated or changed to make the storyteller sound like a victim.
Let's say for example that your friend gets in a fight with somebody. In real life, your friend might have started the fight. In fact, his carelessness might be the whole reason why it happened. However, when he comes crying to you, he'll tell you a completely different story. Your friend will act like he did everything right and his partner did everything wrong, because he wants you to feel sorry for him, to support him and to help him justify his own mistakes.
Many toxic friends use their sympathy stories to attack other people. For example, let's take that same story about your friend fighting with his partner. That whole story might just be an excuse to talk about that person behind his back. All your friend really wants to do is criticize and complain about them, because that makes your friend feel better about himself.
So, how do you know if your friend is lying to you? Ask yourself this question: do you ever feel like his stories just don't add up? I mean on his own, he might make sense, but when you consider his crazy stories altogether, he may sound pretty unbelievable. My point here is, don't be afraid to think twice about the stories that your friends tell you, because they might be lying just to get your attention.
Waves of conflict
In a toxic friendship, conflict comes in waves. All of a sudden, a big wave will crash, something will go wrong and you'll get in a fight. You convince yourself that you're never going to repair the relationship, but eventually, the tide settles and you go back to being friends again. The problem is, there will always be another wave. There will always be more conflict. So, you're left wondering what's gonna go wrong next.
This kind of relationship can really take its toll on your attitude, because you're constantly looking out for more conflict, you're scared to open your mouth and paranoid about what little thing will set them off next. However, you should never be afraid to communicate with your friends.
Strong friendships don't flip back and forth between peace and chaos. You'll have conflicts with your friends. Those conflicts might be emotionally draining and uncomfortable, but conflicts like these should be few and far between.
Healthy friendships are stable and understanding. Friends should be the people you fall back on, not the people who turn your life upside down. If you have to walk on eggshells around your friend just to avoid setting them off, you might have yourself a toxic friendship.
Kindness in criticism
Friends should be honest with each other. That open line of communication will make any friendship stronger, but there's a right way and a wrong way to tell someone how you feel. If your friend is constantly criticizing you or making you feel bad about yourself, that's not healthy. Even if they're just being honest, that honesty should come from a place of kindness, not jealousy, resentment or insecurity.
Imagine you're getting ready for a job interview, but you're worried about what you're going to wear. So, you ask for your friend's opinion, you show him a few different outfits and you ask which one he likes the best. The point here is, what if your friend doesn't like any of them, how should he react?
A good friend will do something simple like this: he will tell you he isn't a big fan of what you have and he'll advise you to go pick out something new. A really friend might even go with you to the store, but a bad friend will jump on this opportunity to put you down, he'll laugh at every outfit you own and he'll tell you that no one is ever going to hire you. In other words, he's not trying to help you, he's just trying to attack you or to make you feel inferior.
Preserving their image
Toxic people spend way too much time preserving their image. Even in front of their friends, they want you to see them as the funniest, most intelligent or most attractive person in the room, because they care far too much about what people think of them, specifically you. So, if you stop idolizing them, what happens do? They laugh it off or do they blow things out of proportion?
Let's say you're talking to your friend when he makes a stupid mistake or he gets a fact wrong or he messes up a common figure of speech and that makes you laugh. Normally, friends can tease each other without hurting each other's feelings. However, if you know someone with a toxic ego, he's going to get offended and he doesn't like showing any kind of weakness even if it's something tiny and insignificant.
In that defensive state, he might lash out, because toxic friends will do anything to cover up their own weaknesses and preserve their image even if that means putting you down.
Putting down other friends
Does one of your friends spend a lot of time criticizing your other friends? Do they talk about how much better they are than everyone else you know? These are classic signs of a jealous or needy friendship. These toxic people will insult everyone in your life, because they want you all to themselves. That's why they frame themselves as the most important person you know. They'll say things like what would you do without me, or you're lucky that I'm here.
Now, on the surface, these comments aren't all bad, but some friends will use them to chip away at you and convince you that you need them and that makes any friendship toxic.
Stealing your identity
Toxic friends aren't always malicious and they aren't always trying to hurt you. Some toxic friends may be chronic copycats. You might consistently catch them mimicking the things you do, they might steal the phrases you say, dress the way you dress and even take up the same hobbies.
I know this sounds sweet like a little sibling who admires you, but it's actually a very big problem, because it means your friend is jealous. They don't want to be more like you, they want to be you and that creates all kinds of unnecessary conflict.
So, don't let these things go unnoticed. If your friend is copying you on a regular basis, you might be part of a toxic friendship.
How does the mood change when your friend comes around? Toxic people tend to drag everyone down, they complain constantly, they make things awkward and they suck the fun out of any situation, because they're overwhelmingly negative. Their negativity may be so infectious that other friends just don't want them around. You might feel like you have to make excuses for them, but no friend should put you in that position, no matter how long you've known each other.
Finding your flaws
Friends should be proud of each other, they should celebrate your successes and encourage you when you're down, but toxic friends are constantly focused on your flaws. Whenever you succeed at something, they tell you all the things you could have done better or make you feel bad for being proud of yourself.
If you feel like your friend is never impressed, there's something wrong with your friendship and it's time to make a change.
A toxic friendship can actually cause you physical pain. When you've internalized enough negativity from someone, it builds this tightly wound knot of mental stress, but instead of making you sad or angry, that stress may take on a different shape, like physical aches and pains.
Every time that friend comes around, you might get a sudden cramp in your stomach or a dull pain in your head and after spending a little bit of time with him, you might feel sore almost like you have the flu, but you're not really sick, you're just stressed and that toxic person may be the real reason why.
Refusal to change
Toxic friends don't typically like change, especially if they're the ones who have to do it. This is usually the reason why toxic friends never get any better. Let's say you realize you're in an unhealthy friendship, but you don't want to kick this person out of your life. So, you decide to sit them down and talk it through. Now, that confrontation doesn't go the way you plan. As soon as you confront your friends about their toxic behavior, they get defensive, they stop listening and they pretend that they're not doing anything wrong.
For any other friends, this wake-up call might push them in the right direction. It will let them know that they aren't treating people the way they should. However, if your friendship is toxic, it may create even more conflict. You see toxic friends rarely take responsibility for their own actions, because they have to work on themselves, to make improvements and to face their own insecurities and that's the last thing a toxic person wants to do.
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